Curious Byakuya
by CheonSongYi
Summary: All arrangements made, permissions granted, and issues resolved, Rukia and Ichigo are going to start their new life as a normal married couple in Soul Society. That's when Byakuya hears a noise… Includes an innocent Rukia, a naughty Ichigo and an unsuspecting Byakuya. T for references and suggestive language.


**A/n:** I _so_ love these three together! They'll be funny if Byakuya decides to loosen up some time.

**Summary:** All arrangements made, permissions granted, and issues resolved, Rukia and Ichigo are going to start their new life as a normal married couple in Soul Society. That's when Byakuya hears a noise…

Includes an innocent Rukia, a naughty Ichigo and an unsuspecting Byakuya.

!(!2 !$

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><p><strong><em><span>Curious Byakuya<span>_**

Byakuya was almost in disbelief over the fact that Rukia would get married in the coming week. Walking over the crisp, sun dried leaves of Seireitei, his mind rewound the events of the past hectic month. The ryoka boy had fallen in love with his adopted sister and informally proposed to her, which meant they were dating for the time being. Even though Byakuya had almost expected the outcome, given Rukia's prolonged stays in the World of Living and her insistence on going back as soon as she landed in Soul Society, he did not take the news a least bit happily. The whole of Soul society though, was another matter.

The Thirteenth division was practically begging him to agree to their marriage and that nosy Tenth division lieutenant was making bets on the decision. The Shinigami Women's Association had started a campaign to support fellow member (so _sweetly_ calling it the IchiRuki ship) which caught the eye of Head Captain Kyouraku, his favourite Nanao-chan being the Vice President. This in turn meant more trouble and paperwork for the Sixth division whose Captain refused to cave in to the demands of the many people around him. Even Renji had begun to drop several unabashed hints – to which the Captain responded by flaring up his Reiatsu – and really, a public proposal was the last thing that could happen. Eventually, that too _did_ happen a few days ago, in the garden that was, incidentally, _just in front of_ the Sixth division barracks.

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><p><em>Hearing some commotion, the Captain Flash stepped to the place with an evident hint of annoyance. Then he saw Kurosaki Ichigo – public offender <em>_and__ defender – on a knee, bouquet in hand, slipping the Band of Eternity on his beloved sister's ring finger. Byakuya would have personally Bankai'ed him if he had not seen the look of joy and satisfaction on Rukia's face. He appeared beside the pair and said, _

"_You have my support and blessings."_

_And so the date was set to exactly six days later._

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><p>He had not exactly treated her like a much treasured baby sister – which he thought he ought to – but he was happy that Rukia had found someone who loved her and accepted her as she was. He was happy that she became a respected and, finally, <em>law-abiding<em> person. Byakuya was proud of Rukia; and, dare he admit it, the ryoka boy as well.

An inaudible sigh escaped his lips as stood near the steps of their family shrine. He entered it to address his wife who resided only in his memories. If she would have been alive now, today would be the most happy and unforgettable day of her life, of that he was sure.

"Your…" her started, not sure what to call her, "Rukia is truly happy now, Hisana."

He said a short prayer for her peace in afterlife and enjoyed the silence the place always offered. He stayed a bit longer then turned to retire for the evening.

Now, it just so happened that Ichigo and Rukia's room in the mansion (in which they were staying even though they weren't _yet_ married) was in the same hallway as the clan leader's own room. On a normal day, Byakuya would have respected their privacy and swished past the door in his usual manner. Not to say that something was special with today or that he was not respecting their reclusion, no.

He heard Rukia's sigh and froze in his tracks. She sounded as if she was in pain, too. Curiosity suddenly took hold of him. Masking his reiatsu, he inched closer to the shoji. A small voice in his head reminded him that this was very unbecoming of a shinigami of his stature, but he ignored it and listened on.

"Nnn… You idiot!" Rukia's voice again. "Let's just do it."

"Should you really be doing this? It's just six days before; I'd think this can wait till after the marriage." This voice, Byakuya recognized, belonged to the orange-haired idiot who would become his brother-in-law in a week's time.

"This is a crucial issue as is. Take some _responsibility_."

"Can't you just do this by yourself?"

Rukia huffed loudly. "How can I? I need a mirror at least."

"Gahhh…" he groaned. "Ok. Come here. And take that off."

Blood flowed backwards in Byakuya's veins as he listened in anticipation to what they were saying _and doing._ He clenched his fists and moved even closer to the door.

"Ah, ah, _press harder_ Ichigo." Rukia's voice sounded out of control and rushed.

"I'm doing what I can, dammit!"

_The nerve of that Kurosaki Ichigo!_ Byakuya ground his right fist against the shoji.

"The _white thing_ won't come out otherwise! _Please…_" Rukia begged on.

_What the? What were they __doing__?_ By this time, his ear was glued to the door and he flattened against it.

**And what does it seem like, genius? **Senbonzakura called out. _Well... you know._

All of a sudden, he heard Rukia gasp loudly. "_Blood!_ Blood came out, Ichigo!"

"Well, you asked for that. Of course, blood would come out and it would _hurt_. Now hold still, I'll move again."

Kurosaki Ichigo did whatever he was doing; _Byakuya seriously hoped it wasn't what he thought it was_, and Rukia's gasps increased in volume.

"Ah! _Ah! _**_Ah!_**" She panted and screamed. The Western-style double bed in the middle of their room creaked.

"We're done. The white thing, it's out now." Ichigo reassured after a while of whatever-they-were-doing continued.

"Sure, ah, thanks Ichigo. It hurts as hell, you know." Rukia's struggled to catch her breath. At that moment, Byakuya was beside himself with rage. He prayed for the shoji to be transparent, but of course, they were not. So he did the only thing his currently frazzled mind could think of: opening the door.

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><p>He opened the door not expecting what he saw; or rather, he should be glad that 'it' didn't happen. The couple was sitting on the innocent bed, fully clothed. Rukia was clutching her head in pain, and Ichigo was wiping something off his hand. Byakuya presumed it was the offending <em>white thing<em>. Assured of his greatly practiced calm composure, he stepped inside the room.

"Hey, look! It's our _nii-sama_!" In case you guessed wrong, Ichigo said this.

"Nii-sama!" Rukia exclaimed in surprise.

"Kurosaki Ichigo, I'll have you address me formally as _onii-sama_, as that is only proper."

"That isn't fair!" Ichigo retorted. "Rukia calls you nii-sama as well!"

"That can wait after the marriage, until and unless we are legally related, please refer to my title as formally as you can."

"But-" Ichigo wanted to protest but he was ignored by the duo that began exchanging pleasantries. His mind racked, thinking and searching where he had heard the phrase 'wait after the marriage' recently.

"Nii-sama, today I…" Rukia trailed off.

"Rukia," her brother interrupted, "You need rest. Please do so while I will be on my way."

All at once, the phrase made sense and Ichigo mentally slapped himself for being an idiot.

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><p>"Just wait a moment, <em>Onii-sama.<em> Eavesdropping is against morals, isn't it?" Ichigo purred out the last part like a sly fox and Byakuya's face drained of colour, though his expression remained regal.

"B-baka Ichigo!" Rukia retaliated. "Don't insult nii-sama! He can never stoop so low as to overhear a conversation."

Ichigo glanced sideways at her and simpered, "Hmm… I wonder 'bout that. Especially when he was thinking that we were popping cherries, not pimples."

Byakuya's face took on a grave tone and at the same moment, it seemed as if he was being humiliated. "Kurosaki Ichigo, for your own safety, I suggest you choose your words before speaking." he threatened.

"Yes, why would nii-sama pop cherries?" Rukia smacked Ichigo on his head. "It is his _zanpakutou!_"

Said person rolled his eyes at her naivety and said in a playful voice, "Believe me Rukia, Byakuya here has to have popped cherries _if_ he was married."

By this time, Byakuya was fuming and you could almost see the steam come out of his ears. Grabbing the front of Ichigo's shihakusho, he muttered the following words through his teeth, "I must remark I am surprised that you are able to spout such nonsense with that much of a straight face, Ku. Ro. Sa. Ki. _Ichigo._"

To which Ichigo just snickered, threw Rukia over his shoulder, and stalked out of the room, still grinning like an idiot. "Dinner's at nine! We'll be in the garden, romancing under your _cherry_ tree, come if you want to listen!" he called out. Then Byakuya heard a **thunk! **sound of a vase on a head and a loud **ow!** and he knew that Rukia had defended him once again.

Completely tomato red in face, the twenty-eighth Head of the Kuchiki Clan uncharacteristically slumped to the floor, obviously unable to forget the embarrassing incident that just took place.

Today surely was unforgettable for many people.

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><p><strong><span>An:** Sorry for the disorganized and just-going-nowhere fic, but I wanted to get this one done before I'm on vacation for a week, so… this is the result of all that hastiness. This was written in parts here and there, so forgive grammatical errors and/or repetitiveness, because I have the habit of doing that a lot. Popping a zit is real hard work. Girls and boys who have tried it would know what I'm talking about. It is very messy as well.

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><p><strong><span>Omake: Shinigami Picture Book<span>**

-Under the cherry tree, and the full moon-

Rukia totally red-faced from the explanation that Ichigo just gave, and him laughing his ass off for a whole of thirty seconds.


End file.
